Friday, September 29, 2006

The Gods on creationism

"Only a bunch of nincompoops would think we'd make the mistake of creating such a bunch of nincompoops."

The Hindus on the Islamists reaction to the Pope's statement that Islam is a violent religion

"It's time to take up arms and teach these Muslims a lesson. As a non-violent religion, it's our duty to teach these violent people a good lesson on non-violence."

Islamists on The Pope calling their religion violent

"We shall launch a violent jehad against anyone who calls our religion violent."

Goerge Bush on reports of Osama's death

"He will not die until we decide it's time for him to die. We shall be releasing a video soon where he will talk about his death."

Osama Bin Laden on reports of Osama Bin Laden's death

"I shall be releasing a video, DVD and webcast soon to explain my stance on my death."

Kapil Dev on Dilip Vengsarkar's appointment

"I think Dhoni should have been appointed as Chairman of selectors. He has the ability to bring people together. He would have brought an end to the quota system."

Dilip Vengsarkar on the quota system

"There will be no zonal bias. Each zone will be given its due."

Dilip Vengsarkar on his plans for Indian cricket

"More of the same."

Dilip Vengsarkar on closed doors

"The door I not closed on Sourav and Zaheer or anyone else. They can always get a look-in through the keyhole."

Greg Chappell on Wayne Rooney's wretched form

"He's only 21. Oh no, that's Pathan. Doesn't matter. Whenever someone is out of form, he must be 21. Only."

Friday, September 22, 2006

Andrew Flintoff on his lonely quest to get fitter and stronger for the Ashes

"I made sure I had nobody to disturb me. Except journalists and anyone else looking for a good story on my lonely quest to get fiter and stronger for the Ashes."

Lalit Modi on West Indies' chances at the ICC Champions Trophy

"It's a done deal."

Shane Warne on John Buchannan

"I've been misquoted. And you can quote me on that."

Shane Warne on John Buchannan

"Bus. I have nothing more to say."

Shane Warne on Ricky Ponting

"Just ask him what he wants me to say about him, and I'll say it. God knows, he can't stomach the truth."

Rahul Dravid on More's last days as Chairman of the Selectors

"He was a good man. This is not to say the new man is not a good man. This is not to say the new man is a better man than More. This is not to say the new man is not a better man than More. This is not to say More is not better than the new man. All this to say we've been practicing a few things and it's all part of the process. Right Greg?"

Greg Chappell on the departing More

"But he's only 21. We need to give both Irfan and More more time."

Sourav Ganguly on Kiran More's last days as Chairman of Selectors

"Ab mori bari."

Sourav Ganguly on the Pranab Mukherjee meeting with Condi Rice

"As long as I'm in good form I harbour hopes of making it back into the Indian team. So please don't repeat the question. I will say no more."

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Weatherman on the Condi Rice and Pranab Mukherjee meeting

"Thunder thighs are forecast for the next few days."

George Bush on Condi Rice on Pranab Mukherjee

"Since I don't know my History nor my Geography, all I can say is that the Bangladeshi Prime Minister is a stranger to me. It seems absurd that I should be asked to comment on a meeting between my Finance Minister and the Prime Minister of the Capital of Bengal. Back to my books."

Condi Rice on the meeting with Pranab Mukherjee

"We have a History. And If I know my History right, we have a History."

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Weatherman on the DLF Cup

"I think I'm going to take up cricket commentary."

Kiran More on the DLF Cup

"The other members of the selection panel will vote on this and come up with a considered comment on the matter."

Bookmakers on the DLF Cup

"Rain stops playmakers."

Munnabhai on the DLF Cup

"Lagta hai, there's a chemichal imbalance in the heaven's above."

P. C. Chidambaram on the DLF Cup

"Rain or no rain, stay invested. There's money to be made."

George Bush on the DLF Cup

"I'm happy it's raining. It'll give those fellows a chance to catch up on some reading. They could take a leaf out of my book."

Malcolm Speed on the DLF Cup

"I'm asking my lawyers to sue the rain."

Steve Irwin on the DLF Cup

"I'm not shedding any crocadile tears for this crock of a tournament."

Sachin Tendulkar on the DLF Cup

"Rain or no rain, it's raining runs."

Irfan Pathan on the DLF Cup

"I'm only 21. I'm still learning what to say. My learning process has been interrupted by the rain."

Rahul Dravid on the DLF Cup

"Irrespective of the rain taking us out of the game, we must strive to be in the game till the end of the game."

DLF on the DLF Cup

"Our comment on this matter has been delayed by rain."

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Monday, September 04, 2006

Munnabhai on Vidhu Vinod Chopra

"Lagey raho! Vidya Balan is worth it."

Munnabhai on sport

"Lagey raho! Orwell called it 'war minus the shooting'. Bapuji would have approved as his Satyagraha was, also, war minus the shooting."

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Munnabhai on Tony Blair

"Lagey raho! As Bapuji side, kiss both sides of Dubya's cheeks."

Munnabhai on George Bush

"Lagey raho! Bapuji gaya tel lagane. Don't show any side of your brain."

Munnabhai on ball-tampering

"Lagey raho. No matter what Bapuji said, don't show the other side."

Munnabhai on match-fixing

"Lagey raho! Bapuji said if one side is fixed, turn to the other side."

Friday, September 01, 2006

Andre Agassi on Agassi

"I wish to thank all the TV channels and sponsors for asking for me."

Andre Agassi on Agassi

"I'm Jimmy Connors."